As this week's Official Spokesperson for the Gay/Bisexual Community (what ever the hell that is supposed to mean), I have something to say:

WHY IS EVERYBODY SO INTERESTED IN MY SEX LIFE?!!

I find both men and women physically attractive. I tend to hit on both genders with about equal frequency (or I used to, before I started macking on my current monogamous squeeze). When I am out and about with my guy nobody gives a hoot. Yet when I put my hand in a female companion's back pocket the world goes mad over my perceived sexual escapades.

And so, because you're all aparently burning with curiosity, I feel the need to let you in on the big secret about being gay: it's all pretty much the same shit. Having a woman involves more buying of flowers, fewer hours screaming "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT CALL?" at ESPN, and a slightly different plan of attack when under the covers. But honestly, being in a gay relationship is pretty much exactly the same as being in a straight one...try it if you doubt me, I shit you not.

So, boys and girls, what's the freaking problem?!

I'm not "a gay woman." I'm not "a bisexual." I'm a young student who likes Tony Hawk 3 and hard liquor. I do science, I like loud music, I can cook nothing more complicated than peanut butter and jelly. Each of these facts, trivial as they may seem, is more important to me than my sexual orientation. I don't define myself by who I sleep with. In fact, I'm a little scared of people who do that. Hell, I'm deeply scared of people like that, because they generally get dumped and buy handguns.

That's really all I had to say. I now surrender my title of Official Spokesperson to that straight guy who plays the gay guy on Will&Grace.