It looks like PZ Myers and I are watching the same TV. Okay, so it's not really a big coincidence that we were both tuning in for the Oscars, but we also both happened to catch a particularly annoying "news" piece about--what else?--that movie with them gay cowboys in it. When looking for the opinions of some Real Americans(tm), CNN decided to sift through some rural shithole to find a Christian fanatic, some geezers who hadn't seen Brokeback Mountain but knew they hated it, and the typical cast of hicks who insisted that Hollywood doesn't understand farmers and ought to get back to making movies like "The Sound Of Music."

I grew up in Minnesota, smack dab in the middle of Middle America, and PZ Myers just happens to teach at the University of Minnesota, Morris. We both find ourselves insulted by the portrayal of Middle Americans as bigotted, ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, particularly since we are both glowing examples of the cultured, brilliant, devilishly attractive specimens produced in the heartland of America. We're both annoyed by how coastal dwellers love to indulge their own stereotypes about the inhabitants of that silly little stretch of land between the Rockies and the Ohio River. All the missile silos are in our fucking praries, you dickwads, so shut the hell up.

But what really bugs me is how rural farmers are STILL being held up as examples of "Real America." According to the USDA, only one in five Americans lives in a rural area, and the vast majority of those who do live in rural areas are not farmers or ranchers or John Wayne look-alikes. The Bureau of Labor reports only 444,870 people employed in "Farming and Fishing," but David Horowitz says there are some 617,000 college and university professors in the US, so it appears that the evil fag-loving Jeebus-hating Commies are ahead by at least 172,130. So why the fuck does CNN ask Farmer Bill to tell us about "real America"? Farmer Bill has more important things to do, like getting Ma to pump out another couple thousand young'uns to even up the score.

The federal government says there are only 2.1 million American "farm families." To put this in perspective, 4 million Americans play World of Warcraft. So where are the news features surveying Night Elf druids about health care or national security?

I am fully aware that farming is, and always has been, essential for the economic health of this country. I'm sure there are many people who find farming and/or rural living to be extremely enjoyable and rewarding. But can we please stop pretending that this particular minority represents Real America(tm)? They are no more (or less) American than anybody else. They are actually a less representative sample than, say, business professionals who live in urban or suburban regions.

And, while we're at it, can we all take a page from George Clooney's book and stop expecting a bunch of obscenely wealthy and inhumanly attractive Hollywood insiders to be "in touch" with typical Americans?