Friday, November 11, 2005

Researchers at MIT* have concluded that tinfoil hats actually amplify government radio frequencies, increasing The Man's ability to hack into your mind.
    Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities. We theorize that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.


*MIT is also the institution that brought us Clocky, the deranged mobile alarmclock. Diabolical.

3 Comments:

At 7:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now is there any evidence that Clocky has already become deranged, or are you letting wishful thinking get the better of patience?

 
At 10:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's an alarm clock that evades your grasp. If that's not deranged and diabolical, I don't know what is.

 
At 8:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's so nice of the Post to finally come out and say it. Really, it's been obvious from before the war and you'd have expected the mythical liberal media to be on this like the proverbial wolf.

Asterisks Dot White House's Iraq Argument

By Dana Milbank and Walter Pincus
Washington Post Staff Writers
Saturday, November 12, 2005; Page A01

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/11/AR2005111101832.html

 

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