The American Family Association has just provided me with a brilliant insight: the reason I'm such an abortion-loving lesbian feminazi is because my mom bought me a doll when I was a kid.

When I was seven years old my mother bought me the only doll that ever managed to compete with my Legos. The doll's name was Molly and I decided she was a WWII fighter pilot. Just your typical Doogie-Howser-meets-the-Red-Baron childhood fancy.

Little did I know that my friendly plastic companion was actually an undercover agent for the Radical Feminist Agenda. The American Family Association has revealed that the American Girls Collection (makers of the Molly doll) is partnered with Girls Incorporated, a group that is advancing dangerous and radical notions to poison the minds of little girls everywhere. For instance, Girls Inc suggests that females have the right "to choose whether, when, and under what circumstances to bear children," and that girls should be encouraged to "develop positive sexual identities and to function comfortably as responsible sexual beings." They brazenly encourage young girls to abstain from sex and avoid drug use. They even imply that educating female children may help them make healthy choices regarding sexuality and family planning.

I know, I'm as horrified as you are.

So let that be a lesson to you all. Buy your daughter a dolly, and the next thing you know she'll be making fetus s'mores around the Beltane fires with her hairy-legged lesbian coven.