Tragically ludicrous, or ludicrously tragic?

PORT ORANGE, Florida (AP) -- A man hit his girlfriend with a 3-foot alligator and threw beer bottles at her during an argument in the couple's mobile home, authorities said.
 
Nancy Monico, 39, told investigators that David Havenner, 41, beat her with his fists, then grabbed the alligator and swung it at her as she tried to escape, sheriff's spokesman Gary Davidson said. She said the animal hit her at least once. She also told authorities that Havenner threw empty beer bottles at her, Davidson said.
 
Havenner's version of the story differed. He told investigators that Monico bit his hand because she was upset that they had run out of alcohol. 

I can't make this stuff up, folks.