When I think of Independence Day, I think of a celebration of freedom from tyranny. (Well, actually, first I think of that kickass image of the White House being blown up by space aliens, but I try not to let Will Smith movies totally define my concept of reality.) Thanks to King George The Lesser, Pat Robertson, and pretty much everybody below the Mason-Dixon line, when I think of tyranny I tend to immediately think of Christianity. In the spirit of this holiday weekend, then, I think we should all take some time to celebrate the fact that American citizens are not subject to the rules laid out by the Christian holy book.

To get you all whipped into a suitably self-righteous secularist frenzy, here's a list of things we would not be allowed to do if the Biblical definition of sin were enshrined in law:

Wear pants or enjoy gold jewelry, if you're a girl (1 Pe 3:3, Deut 22:5)

Paint pictures like Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night (Exodus 20:4)

Opt not to read the Bible every single day (Ps 1:2; Acts 17:11; 1Pe 2:2; 1 Tim 4:13)

Covet things (Exodus 20:17)

Wear cotton-poly blends (Leviticus 19:19)

Enjoy the antics of astrologers (penalty for writing a horoscope column is death, according to Deut 17:7)

Refuse to be baptized in the name of Jesus (Lk 7:29,30)

Eat a rare steak (Acts 15:20)

Participate in a comic roast (Eph 5:4 NIV)

Look at Angelina Jolie (Tim 2:22)

Give or receive tattoos (Lev 19:28; Deut 14:1)

Think something nasty about your rotten boss, even if you never say it or act upon it in any way (Mt 15:19; Mk 7:21)

Be snarky to your parents, brag, or gossip (Ro 1:32)

Think about what you feel like wearing to work this morning, or about what you might like to have for lunch (Mt 6:25)

Love your life (Jn 12:25)

Of course, I don't want to exclude Christian Americans from joining in this exercise, because they too are citizens and deserve to celebrate our freedoms. They can be happy that our government doesn't enforce the Biblical concept of sin as well, because if it did then they would be forbidden to pray in public (Matthew 6: 5-6), display images of Jesus (Exodus 20:4), or speak out against other people's sins (Eph 5:11,12).